Suess's Pieces

Tomorrow morning promptly at 8 a.m. I will be letting various hoarders and cheapskates into my garage. It’s been 5 or 7 years since I held a garage sale, and I think I have a good excuse for waiting so long to host another: I bleeping hate them.

Why?

Let’s see, there was that one old woman who tried to steal from me. (Who does that? It’s a garage sale, for the love of bargaining!)

There was the man who insisted I should let him buy my bike even though I told him repeatedly that it wasn’t for sale. (“See how it’s back there in that corner behind all that other stuff? That’s because IT’S. NOT. FOR. SALE.”)

And there was that one woman with the fake Prada who picked up every last item I had sitting out, examined it, and then had the nerve to scrunch up her face and act insulted. (This ain’t Tiffany’s, hon. What exactly were you expecting at three for a dollar?)

Anyway, I guess making some extra cash kind of makes up for a half-day’s worth of judgers and thieves. All the money from this sale will be added to a fund for an HD flat screen TV.  Plus, I’m stuffing a business card for my web content writing biz in every book I set out as a special bonus.  How’s that for some wildly untargeted guerilla marketing?

So, if you’re in the market for a size 8 wedding dress, a chest of drawers, or some mid-90s blue and white dishes for a family of 16 let me know. I just might have what you’re looking for.

Photo credit: ladyheart