Suess's Pieces

In Saturday’s 8k (5 mile) race, I came in fourth to last in my division and didn’t fare much better overall. If you’re tempted to feel sorry for me, you should probably know that:

• I completely stopped training for this race at the end of July, and still had the nerve to show up at the start line anyway.
• The night before the race, I stopped at the Lake Forest Oasis (a Chicago area rest stop with a food court) and ate a huge slice of the greasiest Sbarro pepperoni pizza you have ever seen.
• The morning of the race I had Burger King for breakfast.
• At twenty minutes to start I was corralled and holding my left side.

I don’t feel sorry for myself, because I jumped at every single opportunity to sabotage my race. Here’s the cold, hard truth about me: I hate running, but have a thing for race bibs and chip timers and making myself suffer.

Also, I have absolutely no experience running hills. It’s not that the hills of Downtown Milwaukee are all that spectacular; it’s that Indianapolis is entirely made up of flat.

On Saturday, I crested a hill at the end of the first mile and immediately knew that my breathing and heart rate couldn’t be sustained for four more miles, so I walked.

Have I learned my lesson? No. I’ll probably go back again next year. Carrying myself 5 miles is a small price to pay for a Klement’s sausage photo op.

Thanks to Noodles for inspiring me to spend some of my hard-earned money, I bought a running tank earlier this week (see below). I’m mostly in love with it. It’s so me.

The 8k in Milwaukee is only three weeks away, and I’m starting to regret not being more committed to a real training schedule. Unfortunately the Day Job and the freelancing gigs are sucking me of all energy lately. When I’m at home in the evenings, I consider it a victory just to acknowledge that I own running shoes and a treadmill. Then I celebrate with things like homemade blueberry cobbler and M&Ms.

***

I will always be a slow runner. In fact, most exercise charts put my running pace in the “brisk walk” category. To those people I very politely say, “Bite. Me.” And “Four point three miles per hour is so jogging. Watch!”

I’ve got a pretty chubby midsection, and it takes a long time for everything to rebound and jiggle thoroughly before my body will even consider placing another foot in the space in front of me. But you know what? I do it. (Okay, fine. I do it sometimes.) And when I do, I feel kind of like that poor woman who put like three pennies and some pocket lint in the offering box at the temple. So what if rich guys were dropping Benjamins right and left? Didn’t mean crap to Jesus, yo!

Similarly—at least in my rationalizing mind—it’s also kind of absurd to be impressed with a 6’3″, 150-lb man who runs a mile in less than five minutes.

Stop oohing and aahing over him. You should be all, “Oh. My. God. Look at that well-fed girl of average height over there. She’s running five whole miles at one time!!!”

Whoa. I woke up one morning, and it was June. Did that happen to you guys too?

May was all right, except for a 5k race on May 7. I had a miserable time of it, and it was all my own fault.

First of all, don’t run in cheap shoes. Just don’t do it.

Aside from that mistake, I also let freelance writing take priority over training and it showed. It turned out to be a positive thing in a way, however. Now I’m training for Briggs and Al’s Run in Milwaukee on September 17. It’s an 8k, and I’ve been sticking to a very reasonable training plan, now that I’ve cut back on all those extra writing projects. I’m also hoping to drop several pounds in the process so I can finish with a respectable time.

The Milwaukee 8k is my annual fundraiser run, and this time your donations benefit Children’s Hospital.

If you’ve got $5 (or less … or more) to spare for a good cause, donate here. You can feel even better about your contribution knowing I will be matching funds throughout the month of May up to $250. I will also recognize all who contribute to the Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin with a blog or website link of their choice. Just email me  at emily at emilysuess dot com telling me that you donated and provide me with the URL and anchor text you want to appear in this post.

To learn more about Briggs and Al’s Run and the Children’s Hospital, watch this video:

photo credit: arinas74

While I’m waiting for Donatos to bring me my carbs and cheese, I thought I’d take a moment to write about this running thing I’m doing again.

More than a year ago I started the Couch to 5k training program. Not only did I finish the program at the end of 2009, but I ran a complete 5k without stopping or walking. It wasn’t a pretty or glamorous race for me, but I did it.

Then I stopped running. Not abruptly or anything. I just sort of fizzled out.

The good news is that going back to running is kind of like riding a bike. My muscles actually remember what they’re supposed to do. In the interest of injury prevention, I thought it would be a good idea to go through the C25K program again from the beginning, but as it turns out I quickly became bored because it was too easy. I ended up skipping the parts between Week 2, Day 1 and Week 5, Day 2.

Other things are coming back to me too. Including my voracious appetite. I keep saying, “Yo, stomach! I fed you like five minutes ago! It would be nice if you recognized that fact.”

So far, the treadmill was a good Christmas present to myself. I’ve burned 1300 calories and logged about 12 miles in the couple of weeks I’ve owned it.