Suess's Pieces

photo credit: Linda Billinger

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes.

I tend to believe that if the thought hasn’t crossed your mind one of three things is true: you’re too young, you’re too sheltered or you’re numb.

I was pretty freakin’ depressed off and on between 2006 and 2008. Why? Because life sucked for a lot of different reasons: mother-in-law committed suicide, school was stressful, work was stressful, grandma died, and husband was simultaneously cheating and trying to get me to stay hitched with his oppressive religious mumbo-jumbo. I can remember lying in bed at night thinking, is this how it’s going to be now? Well, just no thanks.

Back then I was still praying a lot, and I can remember wishing out loud to not have to deal with any of it anymore. I never got to the point where I had a plan, but I understood how it’s possible for a person to reach that point. I started thinking that what my mother-in-law did actually made sense. And that messed me up even more.

I had a breaking point, which I’ve described before and won’t go into again. The important thing is that I finally started standing up for myself, and things turned around slowly but surely.

Then BAM! Life is all rainbows and unicorns and bubble gum now—at least until the next big, bad thing. The difference is that this time I’m hella stronger, and I don’t doubt my ability to handle whatever comes.

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Because I haven’t died yet. Because I wasn’t born into poverty with a terminal illness. Because my brakes work. You get the idea.

Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Post title, artists, and a letter.)

Dear Dan,

I hope you don’t think me a bad girlfriend because I never made you a mix tape. I’m making up for it now.

Love,
Em

Title and Artist: “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” by Joe Nichols
Reason: Remember that BBQ place on Route 66 in Flagstaff? Yeah. Me too. Woohoo!

Title and Artist: “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles
Reason: Pardon me while I get a little weepy.

Title and Artisit: “Shelter” by Ray LaMontagne
Reason: Remember that night we were like “ZOMG! Ray’s gonna be on SNL!” and we stayed up to watch it, only we almost didn’t make it to the musical guest segment because SNL was like the dullest, dumbest SNL ever?

Title and Artist: “Bartender” by Dave Matthews Band
Reason: You are always playin’ Dave. HOTT!

Something you wish you had done in your life.

I can’t think of anything.

I started down that whole law school track a few years ago, and then life happened. I didn’t go, but I don’t feel like I’ve missed out. The desire has completely left me.

I never went to prom, but I have no regrets there either. To this day, the last thing I want to do is get in a fancy dress and walk around in heels.

I suppose I do wish I had traveled more, but how was I supposed to spend money I didn’t have? The point is I make time for it now.

No, I’m good with this aspect of my life. I’ll keep living and doing until I can’t anymore.