Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
I tend to believe that if the thought hasn’t crossed your mind one of three things is true: you’re too young, you’re too sheltered or you’re numb.
I was pretty freakin’ depressed off and on between 2006 and 2008. Why? Because life sucked for a lot of different reasons: mother-in-law committed suicide, school was stressful, work was stressful, grandma died, and husband was simultaneously cheating and trying to get me to stay hitched with his oppressive religious mumbo-jumbo. I can remember lying in bed at night thinking, is this how it’s going to be now? Well, just no thanks.
Back then I was still praying a lot, and I can remember wishing out loud to not have to deal with any of it anymore. I never got to the point where I had a plan, but I understood how it’s possible for a person to reach that point. I started thinking that what my mother-in-law did actually made sense. And that messed me up even more.
I had a breaking point, which I’ve described before and won’t go into again. The important thing is that I finally started standing up for myself, and things turned around slowly but surely.
Then BAM! Life is all rainbows and unicorns and bubble gum now—at least until the next big, bad thing. The difference is that this time I’m hella stronger, and I don’t doubt my ability to handle whatever comes.